The Blink of an Eye

I read about Tatiana Schlossberg today, that she had just passed. I read her words in The New Yorker also. It is so difficult to imagine what some people must go through in fighting to be well. The pain of realizing young that you are not meant to live long is unbearable, especially when it seems unfairly out of sync, in contrast to the expected timeline of life. She was only 35, with two little children, one of whom she never got to take care of intimately because she fell sick with acute myeloid leukemia right after giving birth to her.

At this time of year, the end of one, and heading into the beginning of another, I think of all the patients of whom I’ve had the privilege of taking care. Each of these patients had their story. Many of them, like Tatiana, had battled illness fiercely or long-term, or both, had suffered, and persisted. Even those who had brought their illnesses upon themselves, through addictions, had very powerful and personal stories of existence. It is impossible for me not to marvel at what these people - what all people! - have gone through, the richness of their lives by simply existing in human form.

Tatiana mentioned in her article that she was trying to recall all her memories now, because she did not know what would happen after death. Being in hospice, I am convinced that dying, for the good and peaceful, will bear a beautiful fruit. It is incredibly hard at times to have that faith in such an unknown, but I believe in it strongly. That being said, while death always gets the final say, life in the present is gloriously incredible.

Life, and its trials and tribulations, is the wildest, the most poignant, and the most beautiful ride. When one realizes how swiftly it moves by, and what it demands of one, it can be overwhelming. But it is undeniable that existence itself, living, being privileged to be sentient and feel, is miraculous. May all of us, heading towards our own mortalities, feel this power of source like the patients who are near, every moment possible.

Rest in peace Tatiana

Happy New Year